Twas the night before Christmas – Old Santa was pissed.

He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks

I have a good mind to scrap the whole works.

I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year,

Instead of “Thanks Santa” – what do I hear?



The old lady bitches cause I work late at night

The elves want more money – The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids

Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS

And just when I thought that things would get better

Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter

They say I owe taxes – if that ain’t damn funny

Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money?

And the kids these days – they all are the pits

They want the impossible …Those mean little shits

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds

Assembling dolls…Their arms, legs and heads

I made a ton of yo yo’s – No request for them

They want computers and robots…they think I’m IBM!


Flying through the air…dodging the trees

Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees

I’m quitting this job…there’s just no enjoyment

I’ll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment

There’s no Christmas this year…now you know the reason

I found me a blonde.. I’m going SOUTH for the season!


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